Ask Me If I Care

March 26th, 2011

Recently I had a revelation that brought me back to the source of my Self.  I had made a journey that began by walking away from a belief; a simple phrase that I have come to realize is a large piece of my strong corner stone. This is a phrase I literally carried with me on a pin, which I wore on my jacket when I was about the age of 16.  As I allowed myself to move closer to worldly influences and further from this belief I lead myself down a path of trials, challenges, learning, and ultimately Self-Love. It is at this place of Love where my magnificent journey has come full circle.  I have grown to a more complete awareness of what this belief means.  I now know that I had to go on the journey I did to fully understand my Self and the deep impact this cherished belief has on me. This phrase that I am referring to, which I have rediscovered as one of my strongest personal values is, “Ask me if I care”.  Sometimes the deepest, most spiritual, and purely genuine Love for our Self is found when we whole-heartedly could not care any less.

To hear someone say “Ask me if I care” would typically raise a few eyebrows, but when we are using it in relation to taking a stance about who we are and what we are choosing to do, it is a dauntless place of Free Spirit.  Many times in life we are confronted by people who freely express their opinion, judgments, and thoughts on who we are and what we should do. Sometimes we allow these to roll thorough our mind; impacting our views and behaviors.  But, when we move closer to a position of deep Love of the Self we develop a Self-confidence that radiates a knowing of being in charge of our own destiny.  Therefore, freeing us from the care of what others think in relation to us.

Having the power over our own destiny creates us into the ultimate Free Spirit.  Knowing this power, we are recharged from our internal locust of control.  This internal locust of control means that everything that we impact and influence, everything we are and will become is completely at our own mastery.  Having this mastery gives us the focus that it is our life to live how we choose, rather than living for the approval of others.  This grants us a release from the desire of wanting the acceptance of others.  Being void of this desire, we can easily move forward without many of the blocks we once had.

With the freedom to move forward with more ease, we can begin to do more of what we love, we can feel free to express more of who we are, and we will be in a place of endless Self-discovery.  This Self-discovery transforms us as we evolve further into knowing our Self and applying that knowing of who we are in order to live an authentic life of peace, bliss, avidity, and Love.

Whether we have it on a pin or use it as an affirmation, “Ask me if I care” is a powerful statement.  When it is originating from a place of deep Love for our Self, it brings us to a spiritual place of release and bliss, while having a strong connection of being true to who we are.

© Debi Hebel 2011, All Rights Reserved

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

From My Heart to Yours <3

February 27th, 2011

Being happy is not a result of success… Success is a result of being happy… FMHY ♥

Posted in From My Heart To Yours | No Comments »

True Freedom Lies in the Womb of Forgiveness

February 19th, 2011

Not too long ago, I cried what felt like oceans of resentful tears.  After a short time my oceans of tears dried up leaving behind only begrudging bitterness.  Carrying this around with me, I told the story of my victimhood to anyone who would listen and sympathize.  Each time I talked or thought about it, I relived it in my mind causing myself even more hostility.  I went through day after day with the loathsome feeling of hate decaying me from within.  I had become oppressed from being enslaved by my own bitterness.  Finally, I could not bear the feeling of this dark toxic ensnarement any longer.  This was when I began to realize that forgiveness truly is the magic that frees us.

A misconception that appears to be prevalent is that forgiving is about letting someone off the hook.  The truth is, no matter how much bitterness we feel, we cannot force another to feel responsible or guilty.  This is something that only they have control over within them self.  Hence, forgiveness is not about releasing them from anything, it is about releasing our self.  When we are in a place of hostility we are held down by feelings of depression, anger, and fear.  Forgiveness releases us from these feelings.  If we no longer hold bitterness, then these dark side effects will disappear.

Just as we cannot force another to feel responsible or guilty, they should not have the power to cause us to feel a certain way.  If we feel hostility toward a person and we allow it to impact our emotions, making it affect our behaviors, conversations, and our attitude, then we are giving away our personal power.  We are enabling the situation and/or the person to continue to burden our life with negativity.  Forgiving enables us to reclaim our power by letting go of the negativity making room for an amazing flow of positive conversations, people, and situations.  This ultimately will grant us an attitude that is strong, magnetic, and captivating.

The way to a forgiving place is through the understanding of path perspectives.  We each have our own individual path in life.  We all are in a different place upon the paths we walk.  When we encounter situations along our path, what we experience and what we feel from that experience is different for each of us.  It is from these experiences that we develop our own unique perspectives.  We keep these perspectives with us for up coming situations.  When something comes up, we pull out our perspective.  Seeing the situation through the lenses of our perspective, we react and behave accordingly.  This is why when given the same situation, one person may be hurtful in their words and behaviors, while another can simply shrug if off and walk away.  Our own personal perspective is all we have.  Therefore, when we forgive we do so because we understand that the place that we are at gives us a different perspective than the place others are at.  Our place on our path grants us a very individual point of view that others may not have because they are not where we are.  If we were driving in a car and had just passed a large truck, we would now be able to see the road ahead much more clearly because the truck is no longer impeding our view.  Yet, the car that was behind us before we passed the truck, cannot only not see the road ahead but they can no longer see us.  This does not make their perspective of what they see wrong; it simply makes it different from what we see.  We can forgive and release because we know people can only react based on where they have been, where they are at, and what they can see through the lenses of their perspective.

Forgiving based on our understanding of differing perspectives does not mean that we go back.  We can forgive with Love and compassion due to our higher understanding, but there was a reason we needed to forgive in the first place.  This is due to the fact that many times what causes the conflict is that our perspective is far different from another’s perspective.  This can lead us to feel uncomfortable around some people.  This is okay.  Just because we forgive does not mean that we go back to what was uncomfortable.  We should forgive and move forward.  Surrounding ourselves with people who when we are around them we feel inspired, emotionally and spiritually strengthened, and most of all Loved.

Forgiveness does not stop when we feel the release from situations involving others.  We also need to remember the most important type of forgiveness is self-forgiveness.  Many of us have a way of holding ourselves prisoner due to situations of our past.  These thoughts and memories play over and over in our mind.  With every replay we feel resentment, bitterness, or maybe even guilt toward our self.  If we replay the situation again remembering where we were at on our path at that time, what experiences had lead us up to that place on our path, and what our unique perspective was during the situation, then we will realize we did the best we could based on what we had available to us in that moment.  We should not hold ourselves hostage for situations in our past, based on the growth and knowledge that we have gained for living today.  It is time to forgive and release our self.

True pure freedom lies in the womb of forgiveness.  Through our understanding of individual perspectives we have the tools we need to ultimately regain our personal power, release our self from the dark bitterness of resentment, and move forward surrounding our self with people who support and fulfill.  It is through the freedom from forgiveness that we can skip along our journey with a clearer mind, Love in our heart, and uninhibited potential.

© Debi Hebel 2010, All Rights Reserved

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Forgiveness | No Comments »

FMHY ♥

February 19th, 2011

Many of the storms we face bring what feels like such devastation that it uproots much of what we thought to be unwavering in our life… but after the passing of the fear, resistance, and volatile emotion from the destruction comes a shift accompanied by a clearing and release of old attachments and paradigms, which can cause complete life changes… These life changes result in a feeling of self-satisfaction and fulfillment… as we are empowered from knowing how strong we are to have risen above such a collapse… while having come through it with deeper Love for our Higher Self…  ♥♥♥

© Debi Hebel 2011, All Rights Reserved

Posted in From My Heart To Yours | No Comments »

From My Heart To Yours…

November 28th, 2009

“The life of a Leader is a service of Love… encouraging those we lead to do more, be more, and become more.” ~~ Debi Hebel (FMHY)

Posted in From My Heart To Yours | No Comments »

A Majestic Heart – Leadership with Soul

November 28th, 2009

“Drink from the chalice!” her voice boomed as she pushed the vessel toward me.  There I sat starring at a beautifully ornate gold goblet that had what appeared to be steam running over the sides.  I took the chalice into my hands, my heart was pounding in my chest, and I could feel the eyes in the room on me as I raised the goblet to my lips.  I could not stop the thoughts rushing through my head about how fortunate I was to have the opportunity to drink from the same goblet and the same potion that gave people like Nefertiti and Cleopatra and many others their great self-confidence.  I tipped the chalice and felt the cold liquid inside rushing toward my mouth and then came a piercing noise… startled I jumped… and sat straight up in bed.  I reached over and pushed the snooze button.  Laying back down I tried desperately to get the dream back; to no avail.  This is when I began my quest for answers to what was weighing so heavily on my heart and mind.  With much determination, I set out to bring to light the remedy that leads to sustainable, genuine high self-confidence that the greatest leaders in history have possessed.

When researching great leaders of the past, one of the characteristics that they exemplify is self-empowerment.  When we think about great leaders, they are people who have a center of power not from the material things that they have gained and triumphs they have made in their lives, but a power that seems to come from within their core and radiates outward.  This power is generated by the feeling of self-efficacy.  We too are able to supply ourselves with everything we need to keep us thriving by voltage of our own power.  This energy comes to us as a result of accepting complete responsibility for everything that has happened in our lives; past, present, and future.  This step can be a very difficult one for us to accept.  We are typically raised to believe that many of the things that occur in life are beyond our control.  When we change this belief to a new understanding of how everything that has happened in our life had occurred because we allowed the circumstances, then we are placing the power of choice and ultimately our destiny within our control.  This means that both the positive and negative experiences have happened as a result of choices that we made.  Even with the negative outcome we have had, the power was ours by the choice we made.  Knowing this grants us complete power over our past, complete power over our present, and complete power over what happens in our future.  This results in a sense of total self-empowerment.

Authentically self-assured leaders have mastered the art of self-forgiveness.  The acceptance of responsibility over our life circumstances naturally breeds feelings of guilt over what we should have done differently.  This guilt could hold back our newly found sense of self-empowerment.  Additionally, it is the main reason why many are resistant to accepting this level of responsibility. Leaders that are secure with themselves exhibit freedom from this self-confinement.  Forgiving ourselves for decisions and actions that we have made in the past frees us from the anvil that was weighing us down.  Forgiving ourselves means understanding that when we made decisions or took action in a way that we are presently perceiving as negative, we did it based on the experience, knowledge, and abilities we had in that moment.  We should make ourselves conscious of the fact that we cannot possibly hold ourselves in a state of guilt for what happened back then based on the experience, knowledge, and abilities we presently have.  We need to take solace in knowing that we did what we had to do at the time based on the best of what we possessed in that moment.  This results in the releasing of guilt and the loosening of the ropes that confine our feelings of self-empowerment.

Leaders with great inner strength understand that there have been no negative experiences in their past.  This is an immeasurable conversion that takes place which shifts our thinking from seeing some of our past as being negative to having been constructive.  We shift this pattern of thinking because we now comprehend that without having had these beautiful and perfect experiences, we would not have become the person we are today.  Every experience has given us a golden gift that as a result has made our lives richer.  These gifts are the lessons that we have attained from each and every experience we have had.  Therefore, the lens we looked through to see some of our past as regretful now changes to a lens which has a clearer vision filled with gratitude for all of our experiences and lessons that have created who we are.  We become whole-heartedly appreciative for where we have been, what we have in our lives, and who we have become.

The antidote that was the answer to sustainable, genuine high self-confidence had revealed itself.  I had been on a journey that took years… discovery after discovery.  I realized that what I had been developing along the way for myself was in fact self-empowerment, self-forgiveness, and self-gratitude.  It was then that I came to an awakening:  the combination of all of these creates self-love.  This self-love is the potion that fills the golden chalice.  Once we have a complete and whole love for where we have been, what we have done, and for the person that we have become we are awakened to a love that resides in the core of our being and illuminates outward spreading light to all those we encounter.   Self-confident leaders have this virtue and it attracts others to them.  We want to know what these leaders know, we want to be where these leaders have been, and we want to be around them because when we are, we feel good.  Now it is your turn.  Drink from the chalice and go forth, living a life of love that beams with extreme self-confidence.

© Debi Hebel 2009, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Leadership | No Comments »

From My Heart To Yours…

November 15th, 2009

“When our heart, mind, and soul all integrate together with our passion… our purpose becomes clear… we no longer feel empty, aimless, and lack of meaning… instead we feel energized, happy, and loved.” ~ Debi Hebel (FMHY)

“Leading a life that goes against our natural calling is like trying to fill a cracked vase with water; no matter how much goes in… it will always end up empty.” ~ Debi Hebel (FMHY)

Posted in From My Heart To Yours | No Comments »

Bringing the Butterfly to Light: Overcoming Fear

October 21st, 2009

Today I saw a butterfly come out from it’s cocoon.  It fought, it struggled, and it emerged… strong, free, vibrant, and ready to fly.  Like the cocoon of the butterfly so many of us have self-imposed cocoons made up of fears.  Our fears, which we create to protect us, are in many cases the barrier that is holding us back.  We should pattern the actions of the butterfly and emerge from our cocoons of fear.  Imagine a life in which there was no fear holding you back from what you truly want.  Being able to have that life depends upon how determined you are to break free from your cocoon.

When it comes to fears, we need to understand they originate from a perception of a situation we deemed to be negative.  Our perceptions are a compellation of our past conversations and experiences.  These perceptions create our thoughts and emotions that are linked to our fears.  So, at the root of our fears are our perceptions.  Therefore, since we are the creators of our own perceptions we also have the power to change our perceptions.  If we change our perceptions we change our thoughts and emotions thus, giving us an avenue for alleviating our fears.

Since my passion is helping people achieve their full potential, I have assisted many to overcome the fears that are blocking them from their great potential.  One of my clients, Sarah, had a fear of being judged by people.  This fear inhibited her from speaking up in meetings, public speaking, and even pursuing her passion of dancing.  She was allowing this fear to keep her in her protective cocoon that was holding her back from what gave her the most happiness in life.

When we began working on this fear Sarah told me about how she had danced from the time she was four until she was eleven.  At eleven she no longer had a desire to dance.  Going back to when she was eleven she remembered a time when she was on stage at a rehearsal.  Her mom sat in the audience with some of the other parents watching the rehearsal.  When Sarah was dancing she remembered looking out at her mom in the audience and saw that she was looking at Sarah and laughing.  Immediately, Sarah’s perception was that her mom was laughing at her.  Sarah’s thoughts and emotions that surrounded this told her that she was not good enough, she must look stupid up there, she felt embarrassment, and humiliation.  This then produced her cocoon of the fear of being judged by people.

When working through Sarah’s fear we decided that whatever perception she had as an eleven-year-old child may lack validity.  We agreed that she could not hold herself hostage by something that she saw through the lens of an eleven-year-old.

Next, we worked to change Sarah’s perspective of the situation of her mom laughing at her.  I asked Sarah if she knew without a doubt that it was true that her mom was laughing at her.  Her answer was no.  We determined that Sarah’s mom could have been laughing for many other reasons since sitting around her was several other parents with whom she was talking.  With this new perspective Sarah was able to reframe her thoughts and emotions to be positive rather than destructive.

Last, we set up a plan for Sarah to begin breaking free from her cocoon.  She began getting back to what she loved; dance.  Sarah has worked very hard and next month will have her first ballroom dancing competition.  Sarah is allowing herself to live her passion.

Have you ever felt like you are the butterfly struggling to get out?  Do you feel there is more you should be doing, but your cocoon of fear is holding you back?  What would you do if you had no fears holding you back?  How limitless would your opportunities be?  Now is the time to flex your power over your fears.  Now is the time to change perceptions from your past so you can move forward on your dreams.  Now is the time to emerge from your cocoon ready to fly.

© 2009 Debi Hebel

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Overcoming Fear | No Comments »

Releasing and Fulfilling Your Purpose

August 11th, 2009

Did you know that Physics has a term for unused energy?  Potential energy or stored energy is known to be energy that has not yet taken action.  Wow, think about that for a minute.  Imagine an apple seed.  As small as it is, it has an enormous amount of stored energy.  That little seed has the stored energy to create a huge tree that can contribute to sustaining other lives with the fruit it will produce.  If something as small as an apple seed fulfills it’s purpose by using it’s energy to create something so beautiful, powerful, and life-sustaining, imagine what you could do with your potential energy.  Our quest in life, like the seed, is to use our potential energy to uncover, pursue, and fulfill our own unique purpose in life.

We have all traveled different paths to get to this moment.  No matter how we got here, if we know in our hearts that we have more to accomplish, then there are a few steps that we should apply our energy to that will move our quest forward.

  1. Self-realization.  An apple seed has a map of what it is suppose to become.  Likewise, so do people.  We need to find our map and dust it off.  If you feel stuck, unmotivated, or like your simply existing rather than living, then you need to make sure you are following the right path. After all, wouldn’t you be surprised if you planted an apple seed and up grew a cherry tree?  We simply cannot have complete life-satisfaction if we are following a map that does not have the right direction for us.  This has to do with knowing yourself on a very deep level.  Knowledge of who you are and who you are becoming is key to moving forward.
  2. Defining Core Values.  Your core values are like the roots to a tree.  They supply the nutrients for the tree to flourish.  If a tree had unhealthy roots, it could not sustain a healthy vibrant life.  The most important step to living passionately is knowing unequivocally what your top three core values are.  For you to grow and remain strong, you need to build your life on your core values.
  3. Creating Your Personal Vision.  Your personal vision should be built around your top values.  You can compare your vision to the trunk of the tree.  The trunk is strong and unwavering.  This is the piece that holds up all the branches and foliage of the tree.  Your vision statement is the piece that is the strong base that will define your life’s meaning.
  4. Goal Setting.  A vision cannot be realized without a plan in place that will get us to our vision.  Our goals can be compared to the branches of a tree.  The branches run off in every direction.  This should also be true of your goals.  You should have goals for every aspect of your life.  These should cover relationships, career, and self.

Then the fun begins.  Once all of this is in order and you begin to achieve your goals your vision will start to come to fruition.  This is when you can begin sharing your experiences and growth with other people.  In going back to our metaphor of the tree, a healthy tree will begin to produce fruit.  With this fruit the tree can feed others.  Just like with our unique purpose we can help others to grow.

At The Human Factor, we have all of the tools you need to help you through this discovery process.  By using personality assessments, Life-Satisfaction Toolkits, achievement objectives, and many other coaching tools we can support you on your quest to the achievement of life-satisfaction.

© 2009, Debi Hebel

The Human Factor Coaching, Consulting, & Counseling

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Find Your Passion | No Comments »